May 30

10.08.20 got up at 2a again! I wake with a huge drive to work on my diary. im very ambitious. Justin was too, but he loved getting in trouble. he had too many obstacles he created to have potential. need sleeping pills. but my dr wont let me. my ALF roomie took them & was VERY hard to wake up. our instructor would scream at the top of his lungs to awake him. it was very, very, very, very annoying when it awake me. the Presidentilal debate is said next virtual. need charger. i have to put mine on mom's in the morning. im waiting for her to get up. want thc. that really helps my ptsd, which i learned about in my mental hospital & learned i have it cuz of my lying-lying granny & screaming dad, step dad, uncle, & papa. then my screaming ALF instructor worsened it. when i needed meds, i was a screamer. unprincipled leads to regret. i told mom that & saw a flash of regret. but my preachers told me they married unvirgin & a preacher unmarried spent the night w his girlfriend & so did my smallgroup host, but i still think principled is better, Justin's suicide unintentional, i think he was trying to knock himself for sleep running from the law, i dont imagine anybody running from the law sleeps well, i prayed, prayed, prayed for him to be turned in, i knew regret was otherwise coming, knew it, knew it, knew it, i turn the radio on, i hear nominee Joe Biden needs to apologize to blacks, but i see mom coming, so i turn it off, she always does, i wanted to hear that, tell mom her glasses are perty, she is o excited to have them, im so excited to have mine, the test i did with my glasses i see 20/20, i read very small print, but distance sucks, we read the tiny print on mom's license when we got in the car. i definitely have reading glasses, i love that cuz books are where the most life is, mom has bifocal transitions, i dont like transitions, i dont like going in wearing shades, i love the office chair mom gave me, i had a straight back chair forever, 1b yrs, this chair is so comfortable, i want to go to Sonny's, but mom says we have too much food, i want to eat out, i love barbecue, Cat said i have model face & nose, i want to audition, i often eat salad, Cat laughs like a teen, i want to audition & make you my secretary, also my caretaker for my needs... for my needs, i want to go on the gambling boat, after i lose $10, no more betting, you're in charge, don't let me gamble more than $10, wait, let's bet my $10 bill, win for lose go home to.... id love to nown a casino, i want it to be the biggest, 20 stories high, built in apartment nearby trailer park on its campass, after Scotty'd gamble all his money, hed gamble Granny's, she'd just laugh, she'd tell him to get his own money, he'd ignore her, i never fell out of love with you, i woke emotional & perplexed, i still love you, mom wards off male beggars, i pity them, i want to give them a bottle of wine, i eat a gummy worm i found in the trash, it was pink, a hurricane is coming up in the Gulf Coast, it may hamper mom, i pray no, i want a vacation, i have tbi damaged eyes, i see fine up close not distant, the asst. saw movement in my eyes, my bathroom is starting to smell like urine, said mom, im nose blind, i havent had sex in 8 yrs, so it smells horrible, i say my urine smells cuz i havent had sex in 8 yrs, that is long time, Dad said you cant date & drive junk, so i was gay 16-31 till i made love to a woman, lots of girls liked me 16-17, i liked Shawn's vape, i want 1 w thc, 2 tokes a night, ok 3, mom's feet, fingers, hands, & legs keep cramping, i think she needs vitamins, we had to stop for her to walk, she is driving, moaning & driving, it sounds bad, we stop at the Pancake House for her to walk, this ain't good, not good at all, im on page 3 of my notes, 1 hour church is usually 4, i end at 5, i started daily notes, i love southern cooking, something i was raised on, i love grease, we need to throw away a furniture in my room, it's squahes me to my desk, George Foley's killer is out jail, there's a dispute, he has death coming, i hope the killer is white & caught, i want a 2nd home, i have this condo, i paid it off w my inheritance, me here Mom ala, but i want a resort too, what could be better?, i like it i love it i want some more of it... you, that's some good stuff, i mean it, i want to move in with you, i would love that, i have lived with mom 1-12, 29-45= 28 years, enough, i want to play pool, i love that sport, i sued to be VERY good, i need fb to tell Rich i dont like him myself, he thinks i dont like him cuz of mom, no, i dont like the man he is, i dont like him, Ray said it's in the 80s there, he is North from here, i suppose thats hot, alm.tv is what i left for the East coast, God led em to my writing ministry, i interpret God's voice, i love mediums, im so glad all church girls rejected me, ive been badly, badly, badly, badly, badly hurt, we clean out mom's office, 3 loads of trash, i sweat like an Australian pig on prozac, Disney closed down, i walk>dump 2/3 loads, sweaty, smell like a Russian vagrant, mom drove the 3rd, last load, thats cuz we were leaving, i asked her, it was a long walk, i didnt see the therapist again, a good looking woman, therapist, said hello, i said hi, i want to talk, she had Sheila's hair, i want to ask her out, but mom says i need to know her 1st, mom didnt take pics of the office, i didn't hear why, she had her cell, i check Iberia mail, it's in box 1, i have they key, trhat was the last time i'll do that, mom says that woman is a therapist she has Sheila's hair. mom knew her when i said that, i guess they oft see each other, i want to ask her out, maybe mom will for me, i didnt have on my mask, my fat lips were seen, thats good, model lips & nose, my shrink's son acts in NYC & he said i look like a movie star, mom just ended a chapter to do all office work at home, she sounded more eager than sad, she said we both get up from bed & walk directly to work, but shes soon to see Ray & im.... i say i almost had a heat stroke, i walked loads in very much heat, sweating like Helen Crump's windhield, i just worked off my haircut, glasses, & chair. that was fine by me, i got the good end of the deal, im looking forward to taking my shirt off, it's damp & sticky, starting to stink, Jack & Harry's is delicious & i want to take Shawn there, you too, i like their bar, i gave the bartender my book blog & could tell she shared it, i was greeted by another the next visit, Hey Michael!, they have great cracuzakes, i love them, but i got something else the last time, they have good jumbilia, but not as good as my stepmom's, my 80 books will fund me & Susan's cruise, i'll be posting classifieds & forums daily for 90 days [quarterly], tehn wind down on the cruise drunk & stoned for a week, i want gummy thc, lol, mom left her cell... U-turn, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!! here we go! HAAA! going back! she starts giving a woman beggar money, but the light turns green, i dont say anything, i wonder how much id make as a beggar?, we are praying her cell is there, i know it is cuz i saw it, i thought about picking it up early, i gave UGA all the hints to win the Rose Bowl, so now i like FSU, i like their Indian, tiff went there, FSU got those secrets, i miss Jimmy's restaurant, good southern cooking, southern & Brazilian cooking rule, mom needs to drink more water, i think she needs to walk too, she is seated all day, i pull her fingers, they're cramping, i think she just farted, she cramps, cramps, cramps, moaning, it's bad, bless her heart, my grandparents were 72 in 04, 62 in 94, i graduated high school 1993, so when i graduated high school, they were mom's age, granny 61 papa 59, Granny was 59 when she clled my promised truck a dream, 23 mons later i went through the window. now im a billionaire diarist with a VERY, VERY eventful life, at the office, we threw very, very, very, very much away we should've pawned. my cuz pawned everything in her mom's, Paula's, abandoned house, spickets, handles, knobs, thingy majigs, the sun is so bright i can't see what mom is pointing at & it's my fault, i question that, it was a long trip back to the cell, longer than i remembered the last time, i hope i see the therapist again, i will ask her out, my Apostolic pianist's son is why, i want another pic w you, we just have 2, not enough, at our wedding, we'll have 5b motion tapes & 15b still pics, i hope you're there, we think mom's boss is here, i think mom is happy, think, mom needs to walk more. she says that. i say i thought that as i walked trash loads, the heat was intense, it was irrational nonsense i be put through tht, but at least i saw the tehrapist, i'll remail the 1000s again, i havent mailed every name as planned, i just mailed nancys 498, mom got her phone, that was a good thing, i think she regrets it more than i, mom's boss isn't here, they're at the therapist, the car that is, it was a gray granny, or id asked her out, i want a slingshot, but i dont have anywhere to shoot it, but they're fun, mom's cell has a missed call from me when we were looking for it, i think the other was junk, i drove junk then junk, she just paid $1k for our glasses, $3000 for my shower, & we ordered very much food, i dont mind uncomfortable chores, mom needs $5k in overtime, pray she gets it, she needs it bad, mass mail iberiamortgage.com, i love getting out, the walls cave in on me, i feel cramped up most of the time, tell mom to mail you the envelope, she just got my cell to charge, you have a scrumptious body, i need to work on my coverstory> 2.14.93, clubbing, on the way home, my driver Jacob Myler, fell asleep. Since Granny lied my promised truck was a dream 23 months earlier, I unbuckled and summoned death. Jacob dozed off, hit the ditch, swerved, hit the other ditch, I was thrown all over, through the window, the car went through a light pole, dangling when EMT Donald Quack rescued me, he twice told me. He carried me to the ambulance. Before clubbing, I was drinking for bravery with girls. I was a high school Senior. I've eben a single white male all my life. Even now at 45. I was a trouble maker at school. I did well till Granny lied about my 16th birthday. I broke down 7 days a week because junk was all I could afford. 16 years old, I decided to wreck my life. I was hateful. in the 3rd grade, extra-curricular, I wrote stories. After my tbi, I was locked in a bed where I made up stories I told myself. I had throat surgeries & brain surgeries. Plastic surgery was done to my throat. On the road in Florida, I see many crazy drivers. I want driverless cars & highspeed railways all over the place. Book reports were my favorite assignment in school. Mom, Dad, both grannies, & cousin were bookorms. I scored 2nd in my college Grammar class losing to a woman taking it a 2nd time. My high school Grammar teacher said she expected me to do very well. I have many night time dreams. I read 16/6 94-96. My psychologist said that put a 4 year degree in my head. As a boy, I read Mom's Hardy Boys books. My step mom was a bookworm. Libraries & bookstores are my favorite place to be. "michaeldeehouse" & "michael dee house" at lulu.com has my bookstores. "I Love Susan" at lulu.com, 70k word poetry book for $.99, on the road again, i like this, that's why i wasn't sad about going back, nominee Joe Biden needs to apologize to blacks, the radio never said why, mom was seen coming, when i get old, my bios will be selling for billions, they'll pay our retirement home, our retirement home, oh yeah, i said that, our maids, our cooks, my concubines--! hahaha!! im just kidding, Justin had 1 in my girl crazy days & i was so jealous! Michelle who was pregnant but it was found not his, i forgot my cane at home, but i was carrying stuff, trashcans full, mom ran hot water over her hands, it didnt help her cramps long, i dont think shes physicaal enough, mom's elbow is scaly, she is getting it off before ala, she daily talks about ala, i love my new chair, love the cushion, love you, i want Jimmy & Chris to fix my bathroom wallpaper, the header fell, i forgot what else, meds are said to make President Elect Donald Trump crazier, President Elect Donald Trump has more fans than you'd think, he has an economic mind, i tell mom to set me up with the therapist. she says i need etiquette classes. she says i cant date strangers, how do you go out then??? mom wanted Bill's keyboard, but it was gone, that pains her, she was emphatic, mom says i need to know people before i ask them out & suggests tbi meetings, thatd be nice, i like them, i liked Windmoor group discussion too, many therapists often make moves on me, my glasses make me look smart, they're thick & bold, Granny always put down my book smart step mom, i guess cuz she didn't believe in Jesus, i tell mom the (Apostolic) pianist's son said i never had a girlfriend cuz i never asked anybody out. im at 225 rejections. the propositions started the day he said that. intensity recently grew, mom says you cant ask strangers out, then who do i ask out, who is available?, i guess i need to do personals, the coverstory i showed you could lead to soimebody special, mom cut her finger on wine foil, i dont say anything, it stinsg a lot, Bistro closed down. 1nc, they served friends before me & mom, so im not piteous, that was outrageous, i cant see distance, but i can really read, thats all thats important, my eye test is coming, that'll help, i hope i see close & far in effect, i had movement in my eyes, a dr was fetched, looked, & said i was ok, i thought i was in trouble, love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love michael