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 M0rning, edie, here’s ur mail.

Edie: Florida  Power, ….

Bert: don’t get mad at me. I don’t sendem. I just deliver them with a smile. 

Edie: then y don’t…can’t….

Bert: if I could do that, I’d be a rich man. You’re not in some kind of trouble, are you, edie?

Edie,: no  no, I’m

Bert: oh. I know that feeling, I’m so broke I get my cologne from magazines on my shirt. When ppl ask me what it is, I tell them page 14.

Edie: well, to tell u

Bert: what you need is a little promotion.  Maybe you could get yourself on tv. Channel 13’s been spotlighting restaurants lately. 

Edie: yeah, u gotta be something special to get Charlie Belcher to visit  

Bert: you’re special.  Edies diner is special. You got Marty’s mothers apple maple muffins.  

Act2

Edie: oh, sit over there in the corner, but try not to get in the way. We are entertaining somebody important right this minute. 

Bert: hey, edie. Lola told me you were remodeling. This is spectacular.  This should bring in more business.  

Edie, shh, come here. We’re going to get picked for a set for a hallmark movie. We’re trying to impress a Hollywood agent. 

• Bert: is there anything I can do to help?

Edie: well, yes, there is. There’s a man who keeps interrupting me. You can go over there & keep him from barging in. I don’t want him messing things up. 

Bert: you got it. Bert is on the job. US Postal service always coming through.  Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night. 

Edie: Bert.

Bert: well, you know what I mean. I will just go over there & stand guard. 

18


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